What if I were to tell you that I was thirsty, what would you do, what would you say? What if I told you that I liked you, what would you do, what would you say? What if I told you that if you were to crack open my skull, slice through my brain, and read the thoughts that are painted all over the pink walls, all you would see are thoughts of you. What would you do…what would you say.
Sometimes I wonder, if you’re like me, constantly scrambling through your brain for new things to talk about, not wanting our conversation to end, because you enjoy talking to me…Or if you’re just unfazed by it all…Jon, please don’t get bored of me.
I can’t breath when I’m here,
surrounded by immortal evils,
I cry out a distant cry. I cry because,
far away from here I find
laugh lines reside on my face for thoughts of the past…
from my troubled brain…
I racked my brain for what seemed to be the a millionth time. Should I tear down the walls to my soul, that I spent so long building? Or should I take the leap of faith, across flaming torches…I could hear the pleading in his still but distant voice, “Who do you like right now?”
“NO ONE” I yelled in the middle of giggles, I promise you it was pure awkwardness…he couldn’t know that I even had remote feelings for him, because what about our
FRIENDship what would happen to that? I mean I didn’t want to complicate things he’s my best friend!
“Sam I’m not kidding Imma need you to tell me who you like.” Silence filled the intimate Skype lines as I bathed in self denial, maybe I actually don’t like him, maybe this is just what forever alone people feel like, like the butterflies in your stomach are constantly lying to you…yeah that’s about right…”I like you too” he said.
“Wh-what?| The shaky peaks in my voice painted vivid pictures of the truth, so I willingly let go of my walls…”I like you”…”I like you too,” I whispered…
I racked my brain for what seemed to be the a millionth time. Should I tear down the walls to my soul, that I spent so long building? or should I take the leap of faith across flaming torches…I could hear him pleading for me to tell him what he so badly wanted to hear, “Who do you like right now?”
“NO ONE” I yelled, playing thumb wars with my own two thumbs .. I couldn’t tell him that I liked him.. he liked someone else, who would benefit from such truth?
“SAM!! come on now, I’m not kidding, who do you like?”
Suddenly I couldn’t take it anymore, “I LIKE YOU”
“Wh-what?” he said.
“I like you,” I whispered.
“I KNEW IT” he said rejoicing for some odd reason.. his laughter emitted to my side of the Skype lines.. “forever alone” I gasped in defeat.
“What?” he asked.
“Oh, nothing” I said quickly, realizing that I had allowed my thoughts to reach his ears, because maybe, just maybe I wanted him to want me too.. “I, I godda go…”
“Okay, bye, talk later?” ….
( Still I Stay, Rebuilding Walls)
- Jendayi Ferary